I'm actually scared...

Rarely does anything truly scare me. But this time I'm afraid - afraid of something invisible, which I can’t fully sense or control. Depression for me is a silent foe I never discuss with anyone but more than frequently have to deal with. For the most part, I put it on par with allergies and taxes - something always close and persistent, but manageable. But this time and for several weeks, it has been growing and even skewing my reality; my dreams and waking hours; this, which has never happened before. I'm missing not only hours from my being and memory but a few times, entire days of my life. I had a terrible dream two weeks ago perhaps. It was so real and vivid and so horrible, I only wanted to tell about it once. I had to share it with someone who understood dreams and has provided me somewhat of an interpretation in the past. Over the phone, the response to this was chilling and made me frightened and feel empty as from the moment I awoke from it. She cried as she told me 'that's the worst dream to have'. "...You’re on the verge of horrible misery and utter despair and no hope for happiness." I think, I'm already there.........  ¶ 11:03 PM